Café / Uncategorized

The confusion of wanting it all and knowing nothing

If we were having coffee I would sit down and grasp little details that are either pretty or interesting or overwhelming. I would sit down in a cafe that is special and I would enjoy being in that place. I would order the usual a flat white. I would hold back all my questions because i know there are so many and there is not enough time to answer them all so i have to select the most important ones.

You wouldn’t know what I want or what I need and neither would i. So i would start with asking you:” how do i walk through the streets? what do you see and what do you think about?

I would be honestly interested in an answer that would clear the confusion of what i do and how it’s supposed to be done. No matter what you answer it wouldn’t be enough because you didn’t get the answer! I don’t want you to explain the routine of walking down the street checking your phone and thinking about how you look.

I would start to explain my question and what happens to me. 

I walk down the street and I am in a bubble my  system. i would again see details all around me art all around me and pretty things and wild things and clean things and muddy things i would see everything and its all so pretty. I wonder if its only me walking through life with this need for aesthetics  and the need for details that make me happy. I would ask myself questions and when you are with me i would ask those question for you to answer and again no matter what you say it wouldn’t be enough. LIFE

I need people to see the little things that are so pretty and how certain colors go good together and how they perfectly reflect my emotions. How I want to write about all these things and I never find the right words. Nothing is ever enough. I want to show the world how pretty everything is and how feelings and situations shape us and how the wind blows and the sea water smells and how my heart is warm and big or cold and icy and how this is all so pretty. How i want to be an artist a writer i want to work in a position where i have a lot to say and i want to have my own cafe because in the end i love my coffee and i love my cafe and i feel pretty when i am surrounded by pretty things and robust things and the spiral starts. …

Whats important in life and do I do it right? is there a recipe? im not stupid I know there isn’t but how do i know that i see the world in the right filter why do i move around and i still stand still because i don’t know which direction do go how to feel how to think and how to see myself. Who do i want to be??? and who am i

If we were having coffee I would ask you all that and it would be never enough whatever you say because… nothing is ever enough. The smell of a flower the cold of the snow the pretty white and clear air in the winter and the hot sun in the summer and the flowers in spring and the pretty autumn that has all my colors in it connecting me to this earth because these colors are me that’s all I know.

And I am proud to at least to know that.


One thought on “The confusion of wanting it all and knowing nothing

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